It is Just a Wedding.

That's right, I said it. Just.

Just a wedding.

Not the "most important day of our lives," not our "big day," not an extravagant party where we have to please everyone. It is just a wedding.

When it comes to planning our wedding I have asked for little advice from our friends and family. When I come up with an idea about a detail our of wedding I share it with Mr. Pineapple and he generally has one of two responses "sure, great!" or "yeah, I don't think so." It is a pretty simple system. This method works for us, because I get to be swept up in all the little details that I think are great fun and Mr. Pineapple doesn't get overwhelmed with 10,000 typefaces.

Before we make any wedding related choice you can bet I have googled the heck out it first. I check Weddingbee archives, discussion boards and browse Martha and the knot galleries. I tear pages from magazines and bookmark dozens of blogs. I fill our DVR with episode after episode of "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" (I swear, that show is on almost as much as Law and Order - which is a good thing!) After collecting as many ideas as I can and racking my brain for more, I choose one and ask for the opinion of my partner in crime. Each decision we have made, we are very happy with and we think it is the best decision we could make. After all, what is the big deal? It is just a wedding.

Whenever I imagined planning our wedding someday I always pictured lots of friends and family involved. The more we have gotten into the thick of things the more I prefer just going at it with internet and print resources. I don't want my near and dear to feel that the only thing I ever talk about with them is the wedding, so I often only bring it up when asked.

This has backfired on a few occasions. A couple people have felt left out of the planning process, assuming I think their opinions don't matter. They do matter, I would love to hear ideas, but I don't know where to draw the line with wedding talk. In the end I am confident that Mr. P and I wont make any "bad" choices, so we don't get approval before purchasing DIY materials or booking vendors. It's just a bouquet, just cake and just a wedding.

One choice we made early on was to have an adult-only wedding. I know there is some controversy on this topic, but I also know we are not alone in our choice. We love babies, we want to have a few of our own some day. However, for many reasons, we feel that an adult-only wedding really is the way to go. Because of this choice I have been told "I am going to bring my son to your wedding and I will make a scene... I will ruin your fancy wedding on the river." Tears have been shed, family members have jumped down one another throats, we have yelled and hung up on one another. When in reality, it is just a wedding.

After these very real and very probable threats from a family member who has acted outrageously selfish in the past, I had to tell him and his wife that they were no longer invited. If I thought there was any chance that he was just faking it to scare me into changing our decision, or if he had accepted any of the compromises I offered, then maybe I could give him another chance. Unfortunately, I know this person is all too capable of making me cry and making my family fight in public. I would prefer tears of joy only please, thanks. Of course, there are other family members who want me to give him a second chance. People who really want him to be there. I don't understand why. Why take the chance of something really bad happening just so he could be there? It is just a wedding.

This type of drama threw me completely off guard. I would have never imagined, in a million years, that someone would want to make a scene at our wedding. Or that someone would get angry about the design of our invites. It is just one night without your child, it is just stationary, it is just a wedding.

I wish I could issue a blanket statement to everyone that says:
"Mr. Pineapple and I are going to become a family. Our wedding day is the day that it will become official. We would like you to come because we care about you and thought you would like to 1) see Miss Pineapple in a poofy dress and 2) see Mr. Pineapple cry.
So sorry if you don't like our invitations and think our food is gross, we love it and had hoped you would too.
Thanks for coming.

Love,
The Pineapples"

The wedding is not our big day. The wedding not the most important day of our lives. The wedding is not what is really happening on October 18th.
October 18th is the day Mr. Pineapple and I become a family. It is the day he becomes a husband and I become a wife. It is the day our family doubles in size with additional moms and dads, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews. It is a happy day for us, because it is the first official day of the rest of our days together.

Has anyone else had a hard time describing to friends and family that the wedding doesn't really matter?